


Chihuahua's, Caped Crusaders and Clerks

by Rheaird_of_Life



Category: You Me Her (TV)
Genre: F/F, Multi, and definitely cracky, but it's actually kind of fluffy, definitely angst because obviously there has to be, don't know if it's as fun to read, especially the first one, fun to write, izzy is particularly crazy in these situations, kind of moderate levels i'd say, you'll be the judges
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 12:16:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14425233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rheaird_of_Life/pseuds/Rheaird_of_Life
Summary: Three different scenarios in which Izzy finds out why Emma's back in town. Goes without saying, it contains major spoilers for S3. So tread with caution if you're not up to date.





	1. Izzy vs The Binoculars

**Author's Note:**

> By far the most F-bombs I've ever written into something. So...enjoy I guess?  
> And with this addition we march ever closer to that holiest of numbers: 10.

She knew something was up from the moment Emma showed her stupid unhideous face again. Both Jack and Nina had assured her nothing was amiss. That this was just her damaged brain going into overdrive, finding problems where there weren't any because she secretly didn't want to be happy and settle down and have a bunch of little fucked up kids and live a boring as fuck apple pie life. Well, that last bit was all Nina. Naturally. Like she was one to talk. She was the most fucked up out of all of them.

If nothing was wrong then why did Jack act so strangely all through dinner with her dad? Why was he checking his phone every two seconds? Why did he pretend not to be crawling out of his skin every time she glanced his way? And the big one: why the fuck was Emma here? She'd be damned if the reason was an impromptu conference.

She didn't want to be that girl, the one who didn't trust their partner and spied on them. But she also didn't want that bitch to mess with what she had going on with Jack. Izzy was convinced that Emma was a sociopath who got off on fucking with him. With _them..._ never mind the fact that Nina had said the exact same thing about _her_ once upon a time. It was the only explanation she could think of as to why Emma kept popping back into their lives only to leave them high and dry.

Speaking of which, she _really_ wanted something to smoke or drink right about now, but she had been making good progress on the sobering up front and she was not going to let _Emma_ be the reason she relapsed. Or let her _father_ of all people show her up.

So to stop her sleep addled self from cracking out the Indigo and several shots of tequila at six thirty in the morning, she did the thing she swore she would never do.

She snooped on Jack's phone while he was in the shower.

His password was laughably easy to hack, just her name spelled backwards. Someone really needed to give the man a lesson in cyber security.

Sure enough, the most recent texts were from Emma, some of which were apparently right before their dinner, which perhaps explained Jack's odd behaviour. Unfortunately, the conversation itself didn't shed any further light on the situation. She couldn't make heads or tails of it. One line in particular was perplexing her.

“I've made my decision,” she muttered to herself, frowning at the dimly lit screen. “What the fuck does _that_ mean?”

“What the fuck does _what_ mean?” said Jack coming into the room, body bare, a towel scrubbing at his head.

Far smoother than she realized she was capable of being while her heart was doing the foxtrot, or just in general, she nonchalantly hid the phone under the covers and smiled over at him before he saw what she was up to.

“Oh nothing,” she lied. “I was just analyzing the symbolism of my latest dream. There was a fire breathing chihuahua and a chain smoking hippopotamus running an elicit gambling den. What do you think that means?” When he didn't immediately respond she blathered on with, “I think it means that I need to stay away from casinos. Or taco bell. Which is funny because hippopotamuses...hippopotami...whatever. They're one of the most dangerous animals alive.”

_Shut up Izzy. Shut up!_

Jack gave her a bit of an odd look, chuckled and went about getting dressed. Well shit, maybe she wasn't so smooth after all. But at least she hadn't given herself away.

There were a few moments of silence and then Jack turned back to her, still pantless. A common occurrence around these parts.

“So uh, once again, sorry about last night. I think I kind of screwed the pooch with that one.”

“My father is many things, but intimidating he is not. You were so jumpy and quiet.” She gave him a pointed look. “Almost like you had something else on your mind.”

As predicted, he immediately quavered under her gaze and busied himself with rifling through the sock drawer. “That...that is not the case at all. I was fully invested in the moment.” He looked over and gave a forced smile. “I'm all in, Iz. I want to know about every aspect of your life, where you come from, and how you got to be such a spectacular young lady.”

Despite herself, she smiled back. “All right mister, you can stop laying it on so thick."

He chuckled once more and finished getting dressed while she bit her tongue and stealthily returned his phone to the bedside table. It was killing her not to confront him again right here and now, but that strategy was getting her nowhere fast. She needed to look to alternate avenues. Namely, the location Emma had texted Jack at the end of their cryptic conversation.

So like a complete stalker, she staked out the place, binoculars and all. They were down at the docks, overlooking the pier. She was half convinced the two men loitering nearby were Emma's hired thugs, and that they would grab Jack the moment he appeared and toss him into the nearest vessel, never to be heard from again.

“You do realize you're insane?” said Nina helpfully when she spoke this thought aloud. “Like full on certifiable?”

“So you keep saying,” murmured Izzy. “Yet here you are.”

“Only because you _tricked_ me into coming with you,” scowled Nina. “There better still be a free Frappuccino with extra fucking whipped cream and the chocolatey-ist fucking chocolate sauce to ever exist when this,” she gestured to the scene, “freak show is over.

“Here he comes,” she said almost with bated breath.

She watched him pass by the men unscathed and sighed in relief.

“Seriously, Iz, we need to go,” said Nina tugging on her arm. “How do you think you'd feel if Jack were spying on _you_?”

Ignoring her she said, “What do you think this is about?”

Without missing a beat, “How fucked up you are. One hundred percent. They probably decided to hold a biannual meeting about it because once a year just wasn't going to cut it.”

“Not helping, Neen.”

“Wasn't trying to, Iz. Why do you think you wanted me here anyway at this ungodly hour? It was obviously to stop you from doing what you're about to do.”

“And what am I about to do?”

“Storm down there and bitch slap the both of them. Hit them over the head with those binoculars. Dispose of the bodies in the-”

“Shut up!” she snapped. “They're speaking.”

“You got some super hearing I'm unaware of, Iz? No fucking way you can hear them from this distance.”

“Shut up!” she yelled again, definitely regretting bringing Nina along. She pressed the binoculars harder against her eyes as if that would somehow let her understand them. She was almost convinced that she could read their lips. Did Emma just say, chihuahua's? And seriously, why the fuck did her mind keep going there? Did she want a chihuahua or something? What _did_ the chihuahua actually symbolize in her made up dream? And what the fuck. She really was a crazy person, wasn't she?

_Focus, Izzy!_

“I'll do you one better, I'll _leave_ ,” said Nina. “My quota for crazy's just about filled for the day...and I haven't even had my coffee yet!”

Almost as soon as Nina decided this, Jack broke out into a huge smile and hugged Emma. By the looks of things, quite tightly. This in and of itself didn't make her fly off the handle, it was the _kiss_ that followed that sent her into rage mode.

“That motherfucker,” said both Izzy and Nina at the same time, though Izzy couldn't hear anything other than the blood pounding in her ears. So it was that she was barely aware of her feet leading her towards them, faster with every passing second. Unconsciously she clenched the binoculars tighter as she descended upon them in their merry daze.

“You've got some fucking nerve!” she shouted at them from behind, startling them a great deal. When they realized who it was, they immediately dropped each others hands and looked guilty as fuck.

Emma was the first to recover. Figures. She was always the colder of the two. “What are you doing here, Izzy?” She eyed the binoculars. “Did you...follow Jack?”

“ _I'll_ be the one asking the questions here, Emma!”

“Damn straight!” pipped up Nina.

It was only then that Izzy noticed she had come with her. For moral support or murder, she wasn't sure.

She turned her fury on Jack, who was apparently still shell shocked by the current assault. “You think it's okay to lie to me over and over again and then sneak out with _her_ ,” she gestured angrily with the binoculars, “behind my back?! Does that sound like the basis of a fully functioning healthy relationship to you?! What happened to, 'I'm all in, Iz'?! Was that just talk?! Do you even love me at all or are you just playing the same sick game that _she_ is?! Did you even _get_ divorced?!” She glared at Emma while she refilled her lungs. “And _you_! Do you even _have_ a job in Seattle?! Is Kylie even _real_?!”

She wasn't entirely convinced of the fact, that Emma wasn't just pretending to be in a relationship with another woman to mess with her, to make her jealous. Not that it worked or anything. She couldn't care less who Emma slept with, imaginary or not.

Okay even to her frazzled mind she knew she sounded insane, but she couldn't help herself. She was so stupid to have believed anything Jack ever said. The guy almost cheated on them once before. Hell, that's how she _met_ him. It was so obvious that he wasn't trustworthy, that he was going to betray her in the end, but she hadn't wanted, or been able to see it.

This time both of them were left speechless which just served to make her even madder. It was then that she felt Nina's hand over top hers and Nina not so gently prying the binoculars out of her death grip.

“You know I was joking about the whole murder thing, right, Iz? They may be lying assholes, but that doesn't mean they deserve to die. At least not in broad daylight.”

Emma and Jack exchanged a frightened glance as the two girls increasingly struggled over the would be murder weapon.

“Give it back!” she yelled as Nina succeeded in snatching them away from her. Izzy lunged at Nina and it likely would've devolved into boob punches and other unpleasant things if Emma hadn't broken them up with two single words.

“I'm pregnant.”

They froze comically in place, Izzy's hands pulling Nina's hair and Nina about to stomp on her foot.

“Come again now,” said Nina, nearly dropping the binoculars.

“It's true,” said Jack.

“According to her,” said Izzy, letting go of Nina to stare Emma down.

“You don't seriously think I'm making this up do you, Iz?” said Emma aghast. “How low of an opinion do you have of me?”

Izzy crossed her arms. “Seems awfully convenient that you miraculously conceived just when Jack and I were about to _really_ start our life together. And don't call me that.”

“I realize that the timing is beyond shitty, Iz...zy,” said Emma, “but it happened and now we have to deal with it.”

“What is this 'we'?” she grumbled, doing air quotes. “I don't see why just because you're _allegedly_ pregnant that _I_ have to be involved.”

“Because it's your fault,” blurted out Emma, and then grimaced.

This bitch. This fucking bitch!

“Excuse me?” she glowered. “Did I grow a dick that one time that I was unaware of?”

“I think what Emma means,” said Jack, flinching slightly when her hard gaze landed on him instead, “is that you're the one who parent trapped us into that situation. We weren't...prepared.”

“Oh no,” said Izzy doing her damndest not to completely lose it on the two twats. Twiddle twats. “You so do not get to blame _me_ for what happened. Not after I left you alone for two seconds and you were macking on each other like it was the last supper!”

Nina looked both impressed and grossed out. Hearing about anyone over the age of thirty getting it on had that effect on her. “Damn, _seriously_ Trakarsky's?”

“It's Stone* now actually.”

“As in Emma Stone, the actor?” said Nina.

“The one and only.”

Izzy laughed humourlessly. “That's pretty fucking funny considering she played a character who _pretended_ to be pregnant.”

“Uh, no, Iz,” said Nina, “she was pretending to sleep with people. I think you're thinking of the glee character.”

“No, that was totally not her,” said Izzy. “It was someone else. Emma didn't even sleep with anyone until season-”

“Guys!” interjected a bewildered Jack. “I think we're getting a little off track here.”

Okay and fine. He did have a point. And maybe so did Emma too. The bitch.

“Let's say for one second I entertain this insane notion,” she said, staring Emma down while also vaguely gesturing to her crotch, “so the fuck what?” Emma and Jack just looked at her earnestly and suddenly she had a horrible feeling where this was headed. “Oh no. No fucking way! You can't expect me to just take her back! Not after everything she put me through!”

“You won't even consider it?” pouted Emma quietly, suddenly seeming so small and vulnerable and cute. And fuck her.

“No,” she said with as much severity and finality as she could muster.

“ _Please_ , Izzy,” pleaded Emma somewhat frantically. “You _have_ to know that I regretted the decision before I even touched down! But then it was too late to change my mind, so I was just stuck in Seattle! But then I reunited with Kylie and I thought, maybe I was allowed to be happy again, so I took it! And then we slept together again, and it was amazing like always, but I felt so fucking guilty so I couldn't stay! And then because of some sort of fucked up karmic justice, I got pregnant! And for some even more fucked up reason my wonderful, understanding girlfriend decided to stick by me! I could've just had the abortion and never told either of you about it! But I _am_ here! And that _has_ to mean something, right?!”

By now they had unequivocally cleared the pier of all tourists and locals alike. Even the seagulls had fled.

Izzy was a little taken aback by Emma's vehemence. It took a lot to rile her up that much. Still she refused to be swayed.

“Newsflash, Em's, you don't get to play the fucking victim in this situation. She frowned. “You being here just means that you're incredibly fucking stupid. Only an idiot leaves someone like that behind.”

Emma flinched but then steadied herself. She forced a tiny smile to her face. “I've heard it said more than once that idiots in love do all kinds of stupid shit.” The smile got a little larger. “Like showing up to a married couples place after five days to hang out in a tent and smoke way too much pot and dance like complete morons.”

“Seriously, Iz?” said Nina with another disgusted look on her face. “Have you no shame?”

And thanks Emma. That was so not something Nina ever needed to know the full details about.

Something suddenly clicked in her indignant, messed up head.

“So what? Is this your way of saying you love me?” she wondered aloud, abruptly feeling shy and unable to maintain eye contact, or a slight stupid blush from forming.

“Well douh,” butted in Nina brashly. “Pretty fucking obvious. All you crazy fuckers have been in love with each other since day one.” She looked between the lot of them in disbelief. “Have you seriously not said it out loud yet?”

It got a little (more) awkward then. Izzy and Jack made eye contact and then Emma was looking between them a little jealously. Izzy felt rather pleased with herself...and then guilty. She always meant to say it to Emma, but then somehow it just never happened. And then Emma was gone from her life, so she never got the chance.

Then as if it had suddenly become a competition, they both caught each others eyes, opened their mouths and-

“I get to say it first,” said Izzy like a petulant child. “It's only fair.”

“Be my guest,” said Emma with a gesture, and a gracious smile.

Izzy narrowed her gaze. “And just 'cause I'm about to say it first, or at _all_ , doesn't mean you're off the hook yet, missy.”

“Of course,” agreed Emma smugly. “I would expect nothing less from you.”

Izzy squinted even more like she was Eastwood about to gun some bitches down. “What's _that_ supposed to mean? Are you calling me a cold fish? 'Cause if anyone's cold it's-”

“Oh for the love of all that is unholy!” exclaimed Nina. “Just get your fucking lesbian feelings out in the open once and for all so I can finally get the hell out of here!”

But now that the moment was finally here _and_ she had an audience, it felt fucking impossible. The only woman she had ever said it to was Nina, and that had only been in a friendly platonic way. This thing she had with Emma was the complete opposite way... and was it hot out here? It felt very, very hot. The sun had definitely warmed everything up like a gajillion degrees since they had arrived. Stupid bitch.

Izzy shuffled on the spot, unable to maintain eye contact again. “Um...so...the thing is...what I wanted to say is...um...”

“That. You. Love. Her,” Nina said slowly, emphasizing each word like she was teaching a toddler how to speak.

“Um...” she muttered again, blushing even harder if possible.

“That's it! I quit!” announced Nina loudly beside her, making her jump. Nina strode a short distance away, then turned back. “I love you, Iz, but you're hopeless! See? Easy as peach fucking pie! Adios, super freaks!” She saluted them with her middle finger and then continued on. Izzy kind of wanted to bolt too.

Feeling intensely stupid, she nevertheless braved looking up to meet Emma's gaze, half expecting to see her silently laughing at her pathetic display. But all she saw was a warm softness in her eyes, an overall fondness that couldn't be faked and that many would say looked an awful lot like-

Izzy took a deep breath and a step forward and took Emma's hands in hers. “Emma...Stone,” she said a bit awkwardly, not accustomed to the foreign name, “You're an even bigger pain in the ass than Nina, which as we just witnessed is saying something...but somehow despite all of your fuckery, I can't help but to be madly, irrevocably in love with you.” And she got a little thrill as the words finally left her lips. “I love you so fucking much that I'd punch a Nazi in the face every single fucking day if it meant I got to see you smile, even for only a second.”

And now this time Emma was definitely silently laughing, but definitely _not_ at her and she didn't feel like such a dumbass anymore. Now she was just _smiling_ like one.

“What a...sweet sentiment,” said Emma bemusedly. “Izzy Silva, from the first moment I saw you, I hated your guts.”

_Wait, what?_

Emma squeezed her hands harder, almost painfully as if she were reliving the moment. “I literally wanted to pull them out of your abdomen and feed them to the-”

Jack cleared his throat.

Emma relaxed her grip, looking a little sheepish. “...but then you made me feel something I hadn't felt in a long time. And no,” she chuckled, “I don't just mean the infamous foot job under the table...”

To which everyone laughed a little.

“...and from then on I was hooked on you, Iz. I never wanted to let you go. And I don't intend to ever again...because I love you, Izzy Silva.”

They beamed at one another.

_See, was that so fucking hard?_ said Nina's voice in her head.

_Could you like shut up for just one minute, Neen? I'm kind of having a moment here?_

_Well, la-dee-fucking- da. I see how it is. I'm not as important to you any-_

_Shut up!_

“...stop loving you. And I want you to be a part of this babies life because I want them to find out just how wonderful you are too. I want them to fall just as much in love with you as I am.” She paused, “So what do you say, Iz? Will you consider taking me back?”

“No,” said Izzy nonchalantly, to the surprise of both. She winked and said, “The decision's already been made.” Then she pulled Emma into a familiar kiss, reminiscent of the time they had fought outside her apartment because Emma had been unsure if she was too shit scared to commit. Well, now she undoubtedly had. And the thought of them all _finally_ being on the same fucking page and ready to give this crazy love connection a real go made her heart and brain and every other part of her body hemorrhage with happiness, or well, maybe something a little less gruesome.

Never in her wildest dreams did she think today would go this way. But damn if she wasn't glad.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Yes I know her maiden name would actually be Seaver...but this was more fun for me so there.  
> **Honestly cannot remember if they said their I love yous in S2 or not. I know Jack and Izzy did in S3...but I can't recall for Emma and Izzy...


	2. Izzy vs The Landmines

Izzy was a bit confused, a bit excited. Jack had texted her not half an hour ago to meet her at an address she didn't recognize. Or well, not entirely. There _was_ something oddly familiar about the address, but she couldn't put her finger on it. The feeling of deja vu only increased the closer she got to the building in question. Posted to the somewhat rusty door was a single sheet of white paper and a yellow arrow pointing upwards.

Curiousity peaked, she pushed on in and started the climb upwards. At every level there was another arrow pointing onwards and upwards. By the fifth and final floor she was pretty sure she knew where she was. And sure enough, when she opened the last door she found herself back outside on a rooftop she had been on only once before, over half a year ago while in a somewhat tipsy state.

This time she was stone cold sober, but the spectacular view before her made her question this. In front of her and all around her were flowers. Lots and lots of yellow flowers. Lots and lots of yellow _roses_. Lots and lots of yellow roses that looked just like the ones she had thrown in-

“Izzy.”

She looked off to the side to find Emma standing there, nervously fidgeting with a single rose under her bewildered gaze. When Emma stepped further into the glow of the setting sun, Izzy did her best not to peruse her outfit. It was the same one she had worn that night they first made love.

In any other situation she would've been swooning, living out her best lesbian fantasy like Nina would've hated. But she wouldn't be fucking swayed so easily, not by this fucking bitch. No way she gets to walk away from her _twice_ in the span of six months and then get to pull a fucking stunt like this.

Emma had a slight smug smirk and that more than anything else helped Izzy snap out of it.

“What the hell is this, Emma?” she demanded, hands on hips. “Some sort of sexual blackmail?”

“More like my pathetic attempt at an apology?” replied Emma demurely, as if she thought she was being so fucking adorable. She was, but that was besides the point.

“Right. 'Cause a fuckton of flowers makes everything better.” She grit her teeth. “I'm going to _kill_ Jack. I'm going to grab him by the balls and twist so hard that-”

“I'd prefer it if you didn't,” said a voice from behind.

She whirled on him. What the fuck, were they both hiding in the shadows like some lame ass caped crusaders?

“Oh, so that's how it is, huh?” she fumed, temper slowly but steadily rising. “The old married couple is tag teaming me again? Old habits die hard I guess.”

She hadn't meant that to sound dirty, but judging by their reactions, they took it as such.

She rolled her eyes. “Whatever, I'm so over this.”

She glared at Jack, who barely even had the basic decency to look ashamed of himself. If anything he looked _pleased_ with how events were playing out. Well, she would show him. She would...she was going to march out that door and then... _do_ something really bad like...break his favourite coffee mug or...slash his autographed basketball...or, or...something a _little_ more devious than a fucking middle schooler could concoct.

“Look, I'm sorry for tricking you, Iz,” said Jack, now looking at her a little warily, as well he should. “But it was the only way I could get you here.” He looked over to Emma and gestured between them. “Together.”

Before she could explode, Emma said, “Please just hear me out, Izzy. Just this once.” Izzy clenched her fists and jaw and begrudgingly turned back towards her. “If you still want nothing to do with me after I've told you...then I'll leave you alone...forever.”

Emma's voice was quavering and her eyes were watery and for one fraction of a second Izzy actually felt something other than anger. Emma _seemed_ sincere enough, but hadn't she always? And ye t they were still here on this fucking rooftop with this massive fucking overcompensation, all seemingly designed with the single purpose of trying to cover up the stench of what their relationship had become. Dead and decaying. No fucking chance at revival. 

For a short while Emma held her gaze, pleading. Izzy remained irritated beyond all belief.

Eventually Emma glanced at Jack, seemingly guiltily. “The both of you.”

“Now wait just a minute,” said Jack, for the first time looking horrified. “Since when was _that_ an option? That was nowhere near the fucking table, Emma! I thought you had decided to keep the-”

“Let's be real, Jack,” cut off Emma despairingly. “The only way this is going to work is if she takes me back too.”

_Too? Too?!_

“What the fuck, Jack?!” exploded Izzy. “Are my ears full of blood or did she just say you fucking took her back?! You literally just tried to propose to me!”

She looked to Emma who didn't seem shocked by this revelation like she was hoping. Izzy was going to get fucking whiplash looking back and forth between these assholes. Definitely not helping her growing stress headache.

“Unbelievable. You fucking _told_ her?!” She advanced on her and was pleased to watch Emma stumbling backwards amongst the floral landmines of her own devising. “Is that what this is all about, Emma? Why you've shown up out of the blue again? You just can't _stand_ the thought of someone else stepping into your role? Well, _too_ fucking bad.” Izzy pinned her against the wall without touching. “Jack's all mine and I'll be _damned_ if you try and get in the way!”

Even though she was super pissed at everyone present, the damned flowers included, she couldn't help but be a little turned on by the sight of Emma in that particular outfit, pressed against the wall with nowhere to run. She was taking a little too much savage pleasure in making her so uncomfortable. So she leaned in real close and whispered, “We're going to get married and have twenty kids together and there's nothing you can fucking do about it.”

She knew it was the lowest of the low blows she could've pulled out of her fucked up top hat, but it was necessary to get her point across and put an end to this whole charade once and for all. Poly-fidelity was a fucking myth. No way anyone actually managed to make it work long term. Everyone was too jealous and selfish for that.

But despite her best efforts at getting under Emma's skin, she didn't seem devastated. Far from it. For some fucked up reason that probably required years worth of therapy and psychoanalysis, she was _smiling_.

Out of all the things she might've expected to hear next, it was definitely _not_ what came out of her stupid sexy mouth.

“Better make that twenty-one.”

And before Izzy knew what was happening, their positions were reversed and Emma's lips were on her lips and her body was on her body and then somehow all three of them ended up fucking it out on the poor fucking flowers. And she didn't understand how this kept happening when she wasn't even drunk. But it did, so that _had_ to mean something right?

When her mind had cleared a bit she looked to both of them on either side of her and said, “Did you guys just reverse parent trap me?”

Jack frowned. “Can we _please_ stop referring to it like that? It makes it creepy. Like the Uncle Jack thing. Especially now that...”

Izzy looked at Emma. “Now that you're pregnant.”

“You caught that huh?” muttered Emma, suddenly nervous again. “I wasn't sure considering-”

“You attacked me?” said Izzy, a little amused, a little annoyed.

“Yeah,” said Emma abashedly. “Sorry about that.”

“Just to be clear...it's Jack's?”

“Yeah.”

“So that's why he's willing to take you back?”

“Uh huh,” said Emma, biting her lip.

And was she doing that on purpose or subconsciously? Either way it was damned distracting.

She lay flat on her back to look up at the stars...or well, _the_ star. She felt a kind of kinship with the little fella. She was alone in this. This relationship would sink or swim depending on how she reacted in the next few moments. Izzy didn't appreciate being blind sided by the two of them and then seduced into a sex coma. As fun as that was, it wasn't exactly the best way to go about making important decisions in ones life.

On the one hand, they clearly still had chemistry. There was no denying that. On the other, Emma could be a cold, heartless, flighty bitch and Izzy didn't want to have to spend the rest of her life chasing after her every time she freaked the fuck out.

She sighed. “Which just leaves little old me left in this messy equation.”

“Pretty much.” Emma re-positioned herself on the blankets – that she apparently always left up here just in case - so she could take her hand. “But Iz, before you make your decision, and it doesn't have to be right now, you _have_ to know I'm so fucking sorry for the way I left things.”

“Which time?” she said colder than she had intended.

“Ouch. I deserved that...and so much more. I was a coward. A fucking coward. I never should've left you...the _both_ of you...like that.  Biggest mistakes I ever made. And I know I don't deserve your trust, or your forgiveness...not yet at least, but I'm _begging_ you to give me one last shot. If I fuck up again you  can...post all of my embarrassing high school photos to Facebook...or...say whatever you want from my twitter for an entire year...or something equally mortifying and life destroying of your own choosing.”

Izzy tried not to snort. Emma had about thirty twitter followers. She could post Hitler's manifesto from there and there'd be zero consequences. The Facebook thing though...the Facebook thing she kind of liked. Those pictures were  _ really _ bad. Like so bad. Like if she had seen Emma then she would've run the other direction bad.

She was a bit startled to find them both staring at her intently now. These fuckers. No pressure right? She knew she almost certainly should've taken more time to think things through, but to hell with it.

“Can I get that in writing? Preferably in a big ass gilded frame to hang above the bed?” she said seriously, to which they both smiled. Which made her smile back. The assholes.

Without warning (and minimal clothing on) Emma grabbed the nearest unhideous batch of flowers and then knelt before them. “Izzy Silva and Jack Trakarsky, will you do me the honour of starting a family with me?”

When neither of them said anything, Emma closed her eyes and said, “Fuck. It's too soon, isn't it? I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. Last time Jack did this everything went to shit. I'm so stu-”

“Welcome to the club, Em's,” said Izzy, which of course had her opening her eyes. She looked very confused. It was adorable.

“The club?”

“Ill timed grand gestures club,” she said lazily gesturing around to all of the roses. “Population three.”

“It was way too much, wasn't it?”

“Astronomically so. But appreciated all the same.”

_In hindsight anyway._

“Really?”

And fucking hell she couldn't stand to see Emma so unsure of herself any longer, so she opened her arms wide and said, “Come here, Em's.” 

Emma gladly went in for the embrace and then Izzy noticed Jack watching them with a fond smile across his face. “Get in here too, mister,” she added, to which he readily acquiesced. They all sighed contentedly in near synchronization. And in that moment she realized something _very_ annoying. 

“Well, thanks guys,” she groaned, “I think you just officially ruined my thes is.”

 


	3. Izzy vs The Elephant

Her first order of business today, well, _tonight_ , was to head down to the Carlisle. If Emma was indeed staying there - which Izzy had her doubts about - she was gonna spill the beans. All of them. Every single last fucking one she had stored up in that devious little mind of hers.

This was the last thing she wanted to do, to see her again, but Jack kept dodging her questions and she wasn't about to start spying on him, so there was nothing for it. It had to be stupid beautiful Emma with her stupid beautiful flowers and her stupid beautiful laugh and her stupid beautiful body...which was now in imminent proximity to her own.

Before she had a chance to react they had collided with one another and fallen down to the highly polished foyer of the hotel. All she had wanted to do was grab one measly drink from the bar before heading up to confront her, and now here she was, face full of something very soft and oh...that...or rather _those_...were definitely not on the table tonight. Or ever again.

She scrambled upwards partially, then thought better of it.

Emma was still a bit dazed and confused and Izzy wasn't about to let this perfect opportunity pass her by. So for no reason other than to keep Emma from running away, Izzy straddled her, right there in the foyer. Out of the corner of her eye she could see the clerk watching them as they dealt with a customer. If the bitch called security, she would have a thing or two to say about that.

She was about to speak when Emma blinked up at her, frowning adorably.

_Dammit._

“I've never been much of an exhibitionist,” said Emma slyly, placing her hands on her thighs, “but I'd make an exception for you, Iz.”

_Double dammit._

Pretending that this whole situation wasn't affecting her at all, she removed Emma's hands and placed them by Emma's sides. She was glad she had restrained the urge to place them _above_ her head. That way w as madness. And sexy times. Lots and lots of sexy times.

_ Focus, Iz! You're supposed to be angry here remember? _

“What the hell, Emma? Why are you really here? So help me if you give me that crap about the conference one more time I will punch you so hard in the vag that you'll never be able to experience pleasure again.”

As predicted, the savage, yet subdued tones rolling off of her were enough to give Emma pause. She blinked up at her again. “You do realize that this,” she gestured to their positions, “is completely unnecessary, right?”

“Answer the question! And no more pussyfooting around!”

Emma sighed and said, “I'm here because I want you back, Iz. You _and_ Jack. And because...” she hesitated for quite some time and then, “I'm pregnant. And Jack's the father.”

The first seemingly sincere confession begrudgingly made her heart flutter. The second one infuriated her further. How stupid did she think she was?

Izzy raised a fist and prepared to strike. “Is this a joke to you?! What did I _just_ say, Emma!”

“I'm telling the truth!” Emma hastily answered wide eyed. For the first time she began to squirm beneath her...which fuck, was bringing back certain unasked for memories.

Someone cleared their throat nearby. They both looked to the woman in question. “Is there a problem here?” asked the clerk politely, name tag just barely on display.

“How very fucking observant of you, Fiona! Of course there's a fucking problem here! Now fuck off so I can finally fucking resolve it!”

Fiona looked to Emma who just shrugged and said, “Just give us another minute and then if she still won't behave, you have my full permission to kick her out.”

Fiona gave her a dubious look but then nodded slightly and said, “Very well. You've got one minute, Ms. Stone, and then I'm afraid I'll have to call security to deal with your...” she gave Izzy a disproving look, “ _guest_.”

That little irritant at an end, it was back to the much bigger one. “So I'm supposed to believe that you're pregnant all of a sudden.” She glared at her. “I thought you were a member of the _Barren_ Von Trapps.”

And fuck, maybe that was a little too harsh. The way Emma was looking now definitely made her regret saying that.

“I've been pregnant before,” said Emma so quietly she barely heard her, “but I miscarried.”

And fuckity fuck fuck.

“Shit, I'm so sorry, Em's. That was...that was totally uncalled for. I'm just like the biggest dick, aren't I?”

“Kind of yeah.”

“Oh shit and I'm like threatening to kill your unborn child and everything right here in the middle of the hotel.” She groaned. “Seriously I am like the worst person ever. They should totally add my name to the definition of the word so everyone knows just how horrible I really am. And...”

Emma was laughing softly now, which was a good sign. And damn she missed seeing the sight.

“You're cute when you babble.”

And damn if it wasn't hard not to smile right about then.

“But uh, Iz, could you do me a huge favour?”

“Whatever you want, Em's,” she said slightly breathlessly.

_What the fuck. Get it together, Iz!_

“Could you get the hell off me? You're pressing against my bladder and making me need to go like crazy.”

“Right...because of the whole bun in the oven situation.”

“Uh no, it's way too early for that issue. I recently consumed some of Don's world famous margaritas in the bar.” She was about to get indignant when Emma added, “Alcohol free of course.”

“Oh.”

To the relief of all, most of all Fiona, Izzy finally got off of Emma. Then they just stood there staring at each other. It was suddenly intensely awkward between them. She had no idea what to fucking say or do and her best bet was probably to just leave and stick her head in the sand and-

But Emma had grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the elevator. They had it all to themselves and she half thought Emma was going to push her up against the wall and start making out with her (something she wasn't averse to in that particular moment) but all that happened was she pressed the third floor button and they ascended in further awkward silence.

Once inside room 307, Emma excused herself to the washroom, and with nothing else to do but mentally berate her idiocy, Izzy looked around the space. It was your standard hotel fare...with one exception. There was a stuffed animal of some sort sitting in the middle of the bed. Upon closer inspection, she realized it was an elephant.

There was an elephant in the room.

_Are you fucking kidding me?_

This was the kind of shit that sounded scripted, like there was some devious fucking puppeteer just out of sight, pulling her strings and making everything go to hell when it was finally going right. Every fucking time. She wasn't quite fucked up in the head enough to believe such nonsense, but sometimes, she did wonder...

“It was for her,” said Emma from behind.

Slightly startled, Izzy nonetheless turned to face her. Emma was sporting a small sad smile, looking towards the elephant.

“It was an early gift from a well meaning relative, but well...there's a reason most people don't announce these things until the second trimester. We were just so excited that it finally happened that we kind of jumped the gun.”

“Anyway,” she continued, holding out her hand, which contained a familiar shaped object, “here's the proof you need if you're still not convinced.”

Without thinking she took the pregnancy test out of Emma's hand and then promptly dropped it like she had been burned. “Eww, gross, Emma. Why is it wet?”

“Real mature, Izzy,” Emma replied, rolling her eyes. “It's not urine if that's what you're asking.”

She couldn't help it. Even though it read positive for baby, she was still skeptical. The whole thing was reminding her of their impromptu show and tell with the neighbourhood. Why did Emma seemingly have props on hand? No way there was enough time for that test to register anything, positive or not.

She said as much aloud.

Emma rolled her eyes again. “This is the one I already showed to Jack.”

“Oh,” she muttered again, once more feeling like a fool.

Once more it was stiflingly awkward. She hadn't felt this out of place since she played spin the bottle and then spent seven minutes in heaven (hell) with Jessica Reynolds when she was a junior in high school shortly before she got kicked out. The whole time they just awkwardly stood there in the too small space, doing their utmost not to touch any part of the other...or make eye contact...or breathe. The gang had practically forced them in there together as a sort of joke. Two girls, right? How preposterous.

She had been so traumatized by the whole affair that she hadn't been able to even consider her attraction to other girls again until college. And even then, she had to be practically shit faced in order to make a move...which almost always ended badly. That was until Emma...which was precisely why she had been so crushed every time Emma had abandoned her.

And now here they were again and she was finding it claustrophobic as fuck and doing her best not to have a full on panic attack.

“Iz?” queried Emma, looking concerned. “Are you all right? You look about as good as Jack did when I told him.”

“Yeah, yeah. I feel perfectly fucking fine. So fucking fine that the room is totally not fucking spinning and I don't feel like I'm about to fucking hurl all over you and the fucking elephant in the room. I feel so fucking fine that I'm gonna lie down on the bed now and close my eyes and pretend I'm on a fucking island a thousand miles away drinking a Mojito and getting fanned by barely clad oiled men with fucking palm trees.”

“Surely not the entire trees?” joked Emma and Izzy gave her such a look that Emma sobered up immediately. “Sorry, typical unfunny Emma strikes again. Here, let me help you,” she said, guiding her towards the bed on unsteady legs.

Now that she was horizontal, she was feeling a whole lot better, but far from perfect. How the fuck was she supposed to deal with this mess? With Emma? How could she simultaneously hate and love someone so much? Why couldn't she just put her in the past and be done with it? Be happy with Jack? Why couldn't Emma just leave them alone?

When she finally braved opening her eyes again, it was to find the room empty. And of fucking course. Emma had bolted again. Big fucking surprise. It was what she was best at after all. And then she just couldn't do it anymore. She did the thing she swore she would never do again.

She wasted more tears over fucking Emma.

“Shit. Shit,” came a voice suddenly back into the room. Though her vision was hazy, she could still make out a pained looking Emma, with a glass of water in hand. “Don't cry, Izzy. _Please_ don't cry. If you cry I'm gonna cry too and then we're gonna fill up this room and literally drown in our sorrow together.”

Emma placed the water on the bedside table and knelt beside her. It seemed like she wanted to touch her, but was restraining herself as best she could, probably fearing further rejection. And honestly, Izzy wasn't sure how she would react if Emma touched her at this particular moment in time.

After a few steadying breaths, she calmed down a bit. “Don't fucking tell me what I can or can't do. Don't fucking tell me how to feel.”

Emma winced. “Right. Shit. Sorry. Bad habit of mine. By all means, cry away.”

“Thanks for the permission,” she said coldly.

Emma scrunched up her face further. “I'm just gonna shut up now. Seems like the best course of action.”

Izzy glowered at her. “You say you want back in?”

Emma just nodded, tentatively, eyeing her like she would strike out at any moment, which might not have been all that far from the truth.

“And I'm supposed to just let you because you're pregnant now?” Emma looked confused so Izzy elaborated. “What I mean is...the _only_ reason you're here now is _because_ you're pregnant. I never would've seen you again,” she said stifling another sob, “if you hadn't gotten miraculously knocked up. _That's_ my point.”

Emma looked as pained as she felt. “I know, it's so fucked up and it shouldn't have taken a pregnancy for me to figure out what I really wanted. That I wanted a life with you and Jack. That I wasn't actually a full fledged lesbian. I wish it hadn't taken so long for me to figure myself out. I wish I hadn't been apart from you guys for so long. But I can't do anything about that now. All I can do is kneel here, which by the way is getting pretty fucking uncomfortable, and hope you can find it in your heart to give me one last chance. I want this Izzy. You and Jack and the baby. I want it so fucking bad you don't even understand.”

Emma was silently crying now and she had spoken with such sincerity that Izzy couldn't find it in herself to give her a hard time further. For now at least.

She came to a decision then. It was probably a stupid fucking decision, but she made it all the same.

“Okay,” she said severely. “One last chance.”

To which Emma stared at her in some awe, like she couldn't believe her luck. Damn straight. Or well...whatever.

“But if you betray me again...” she added with some emotion...and the hint of a threat.

“I won't,” said Emma quickly, throwing her arms around her waist and burying her face in her stomach. “I promise I'll never leave you again, Izzy. You have to believe me.” She pulled back, wincing. “Oh shit, sorry. I did it again.”

And really, Izzy was confused this time.

“You don't have to do anything at all,” clarified Emma. “You can do whatever you want from here on out and I won't say-”

“Emma, please shut up.”

It was almost comical how fast she acquiesced. Izzy wouldn't be surprised if she bit her tongue and there was currently blood in her mouth. The thought made her smile slightly.

“You're smiling,” said Emma, rudely pointing her finger in her face. “I made you smile. Does this mean that-”

“Emma!”

Emma gave her a sheepish expression, which was totally not endearing at all.

“Now listen very carefully. This is what I want you to do for me. I want you to call room service and order me some dinner because I'm fucking starving. And don't cheap out on me. And then I want you to get your butt in this bed and be my big spoon until it arrives. Do you think you can do that for me, Em's?”

Emma opened her mouth up, thought better of it and simply nodded, a smile slowly but surely gracing her stupid beautiful face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So which one was your favourite? Let me know all ten of you who end up reading this. Pretty please?
> 
> As for what the show's going to do. I have no fucking clue. But I assume they're gonna drag out the reveal for as long as possible. Maybe until the very end of the season. Le sigh.


End file.
